1. My uncle once said I'm lame.

2. Never in my life have I ever been... married.

3. When I was five, I was five.

4. High School was hellish hell-hell.

5. I will never forget the first time he told me he loves me.

6. I once met a hobo in Washington D.C..

7. There’s this girl I know who is a total slut.

8. Once, at a bar, some guy hit on my mom.

9. By noon, I’m usually busy.

10. Last night I slept like a baby for once.

11. If only I had super powers. Then the world would bow to me as it's lord and master!

12. Next time I go to church I will probably get tormented or something for some dumb reason, like always.

13. Terry Schiavo is a man, I think.

14. What worries me the most is that I'll be hurt by someone I love so very deeply.

15. When I turn my head left, I see a blue curtain.

16. When I turn my head right, I see my internet modem.

17. You know I’m lying when I start nodding my head slowly and talking very sarcastically.

18. What I miss most about the nineties is my youth.

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be Romeo.

20. By this time next year I might be married. I might have a fortune. I might be President! Who knows?!

21. A better name for me would be something spicy, yet mild, hot, yet cold, hard, yet soft, strong, yet weak... Something... Divine!

22. I have a hard time understanding why relationships have to be so difficult.

23. If I ever go to college, I’ll major in something art related? I don't know.

24. You know I like you if I bother giving you the time of day.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be all the little people I had to step on to get that award!

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro all are... famous?

27. Take my advice, never talk to a guy you knew in middle school some odd years later. He'll fap on the phone to your voice.

28. My ideal breakfast is steak and eggs with a side of bacon. Cholesterol ftw, baby!

29. A song I love, but do not own is Devil Inside by Utada Hikaru

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you give me a call!

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips, & track stars make my eye twitch.

32. Why won’t people just shut up and stop judging me before they really, truly know me?

33. If you spend the night at my house we probably won't be sleeping very much! Video games ALL NIGHT, BABY!

34. I’d stop my wedding for absolutely nothing. It's my day, you hear!? My day!

35. The world could do without that guy, Bob. Yeah, him.

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than lick the belly of a cockroach.

37. My favorite blonde is... I have no favorite blonde. Blondes are just bad.

38: Paper clips are more useful than safety pins.

39. If I do anything well, it’s forgetting what I was actually suppose to do.

40. And by the way, your penis is hanging out. > How rude.